How Much of an Asshole Am I? — Moving Forward After Divorce
After what felt like an eternity, I finally found a job as a receptionist at a landscaping company. It wasn’t glamorous, but it gave me something I had lost for a long time — stability.
I started taking classes again at Grossmont College, one or two each semester, slowly piecing my life together. For the first time in years, I felt like I was moving forward after divorce, not stuck replaying the past.
But moving forward doesn’t erase pain. I still struggled with my kids — not because of them, but because I was trying to heal myself while learning to be their safe place. Healing after a toxic marriage takes time, and I was parenting through trauma I didn’t yet understand.
The hardest part was watching the quiet pain my daughters carried. They didn’t have the words to explain it, but I could see it — the confusion, the disappointment, the loss of a dad who seemed to have replaced us with a new family.
Life After Divorce: The Child Support Battle
When our divorce was finalized, I opened a child support case. I wasn’t trying to be vindictive — I just needed help providing for our kids. I thought maybe, just maybe, he’d take responsibility and show up in some small way.
Before the court date, he conveniently switched to part-time work. The court ordered $450 a month in support, with $50 toward past-due payments. It barely covered groceries. As soon as his wages were garnished, he’d quit. Then he moved to Mexico with his new wife and stopped paying completely.
At his highest, he owed me over $28,000 in unpaid child support. Still, in his mind, it wasn’t his problem. He told me my parents were responsible for my kids now — as if walking away made him less accountable.
That sentence alone could fill chapters of anger and disbelief. But instead of letting it destroy me, I learned to use that pain as fuel. I had no choice but to keep going — for myself, and for my girls. after all. I was just a woman trying to put her life back together, one small, brave step at a time.
Healing and Moving Forward as a Single Mom
Those years were hard. Being a single mom after divorce felt like living two lives — the one I was rebuilding for myself, and the one I was trying to hold together for my kids. There were nights I questioned everything — my worth, my decisions, even my faith in people.
But every class I took, every job I showed up for, and every time I chose calm over chaos, I was teaching my daughters something powerful: that healing is possible, even after deep betrayal.
I wasn’t just surviving anymore. I was learning who I was — and realizing that maybe, I wasn’t the asshole after all. I was just a woman trying to put her life back together, one small, brave step at a time.